Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Google + dream

I just took a nap and had a dream about Google +.  The oddest part about the dream was that the idea that we could use it to teleport was something we always could do with google plus.  It was like a feature comparable to hangouts.

In my dream I'd used google plus to bring this guy Xabier Ostale, who I had just hung out with before falling asleep, to my sister's house.  I remember sitting there, in the dream,  with Xabier and my mom, and suddenly thinking about how we could make some kind of centralized teleporting hub by making a door.  In the dream we knew specific rules for how this worked, but there was also a point that I couldn't quite think of what they were or why it was important to have the doors set up a certain way.  Anyway, we were coming up with plans and Annamarie McCloud was around, and so was Jacob McCloud and I asked Annamarie if she could give me Jacob's infor for google plus.

then I woke up.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

larp dream?

So I just woke from a dream that made me feel like I was in college again.  It was really fun.  Fist I remember the whole thing pretty much took place in either a hotel or a fairly large apartment complex.  And Shaun was having a party with roommates on one of the higher up floors.  I remember that I was there while Shaun was getting ready for the party and then he made me leave his room when he actually put on clothes.  I didn't know his roommates but everyone was being pretty nice.  I had some food and hung out a little bit.  Then I left.  Maybe Shaun left then as well, but I'm not sure.

Now I'm a bit fuzzy about order with my memory, but here are things I remember:  going down the stairs of the building and running into a bridal party in which the theme was "immortal wedding" and for some reason that didn't work out so well for the bride.  I think somehow they piled on top of each other in a possibly dangerous way in the stairwell outside one of the doors.  The bride had some idea to use a lighter to get out of their situation.  something to do with fire hurting even the immortal.  I kept going down the stairs and I believe I ran into other people I knew.  There was a restaurant on the first floor. and I found some people I knew from the old LARP days.  I there was a game going on.  I remember speculating about what kind of character I might play, and thinking about a Gangrel.  I also had a slightly confusing interaction with this guy and his friends encouraging it that ended up with me and him leaving and going somewhere.  I can't remember if we did anything else but I do remember making out with him initiating it.  He was also one of the old LARP friends who I didn't previously think was into guys. It was Matt L.  He looked (as did most people in this dream) like he did from the college years.

Anyway, that happened and then I think there was some time when I actually played in the LARP, and then it was over, and there was ST time.. and then food.  I remember seeing Dan Chen, Sarah Chen, Katie Holly, Mike Steen, who was recruiting for some kind of stage production I think, and a bunch of other people that seemed familiar but I don't remember the names of now. So after food, I remember being somewhere with less people and Matt and his friends where there was some gentle ribbing about us.  very college /high school feel to it.

then I woke up.

Monday, October 3, 2011

Zombie dreams

ok. I may have lost a lot of it already.  I just had groundhog day like zombie dream.  In the dream there were 2 or 3 ways to die.  It was like I was on some kind of farm.  I'm having trouble sorting this out.  there were definitely two scenarios.  I'm havig a hard time writing

so there were zombies, there was girl from he ring that was played by summer glau (river tam).  the farm had a lab. Also I there there were witches. . and possibly time travel.  In the fisrt scenario I seemed o ahve ppwes.. possibly I was a ghost.

the first time I lost but I don't remember how.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

So the short version:    I can walk without assistance    It feels really really freaking weird.  I'm getting used to using all of my leg muscles again fairly quickly though.  tomorrow I'll probably test out the bike riding thing.  sort of nervous about that.  but can't wait to do it. :)
Here are my x-rays:



Friday, September 2, 2011

no pictures

I just wanted to do a quick update about my foot:  I had to return the roll a bout on wed. after work.  This is good because it forced me to walk more instead of taking the easy/fast way to get around.  This does mean I'm still a bit slower than I was, but the good news is that I'm noticing fairly quick improvement in how easy it is to get around/walk.  I'm carrying my crutch with me still (only one) because it makes me go a bit faster and "just in case" really.  It helps when I get tired.  My foot is hurting less and less though.  My next appointment is the 14th.  no biking or walking without the boot till then at least.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

I can walk! . . ish

so I had another Dr. appointment today and it's all good news.  I can walk, if I take it slow and careful and use crutches to start with.  maybe by next week I'll be going without assistance.   but this is all good.. no bike riding yet.    I'm not sure when I'll be able to swim again either. . but all in good time.

anyway so I'm healing nicely.   all is well and I freely admit to feeling really good about even just being able to stand without assistance.

it's a good birthday :)

Monday, August 15, 2011

I wonder why the wonder always falls on me.....

I've been having a weird morning. I drove to work and found the dept. parking spaces full. I've been using them because of the broken foot, but I guess I was supposed to let them know each week I needed to continue using it and I'd gotten lazy about it. Anyway so I didn't have quarters and usually I'd park in the pay by phone spaces if I needed to use a meter space, but those were all reserved for some reason. My plan was to park in a meter and see if I got really lucky and could make it back to the car before getting a ticket and roll to the union for quarters. I went into the building and the elevator was not working, so I called my boss and told her why I was running so late and she said that I could park in a certain professor's space who was not there today. I looked out the window and saw that it was empty. By the time I got in my car and drove into the parking area behind the building. . someone else was in that space. So, I drove back to the union parking lot, called my boss again, and got lucky enough to find a meter with time on it. Then found the hallway with the bank in it, on the east side, closed. I decided to go ahead and roll around to the ATM machines(which would be on the other side of the hall way) and maybe try my luck at the Quad shop. When I got to the ATM machines.. the hallway with the bank, and the bank were open. I got my money, and the quarters and the rest worked out o.k. I'm still not sure I'm not in a dream or about to have talking animal faces tell me to do something (as per Jay in Wonderfalls)

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

I got a boot!

So,  I had a doctor appointment this morning.  The good news:  no significant movement of the bone so it is still healing  in the right direction.  She said she hadn't expected to see the healing yet, but wanted to make sure it was not having any problems.  I also got a boot, which basically means that I can take it off to shower and maybe if I was watching a movie or something at home, I could take it off and keep it propped up.

The slightly bad news:  I have not been elevating enough.  As far as I know there haven't been any specific consequences from it, but I've been counting myself as elevating it at work when I've only been stretching it out.  It must be above my heart.  Also I can't put weight on it yet, but probably after the next appointment.  Which I forgot to make when I was there. . ... so I will do that now, 2 or 3 weeks.

Also when the splint was off and they were taking new X-rays. . and when they were showing me how to put on the boot. . it felt really weird.  I was sort of automatically afraid to even touch my foot to anything.  putting my foot flat on the x-ray space (without weight) was sort of hard to convince myself to do.  It will take some getting used to when I can really put weight on it.

but anyway, things are still going well, and I'll be healed and whole, and bi-pedal again in no time!

Monday, August 1, 2011

update on my foot:

I now have rented a "Roll-a-bout".. for 30 days.  I think I like it. :)

I'm think it will be worth it.

Friday, July 29, 2011


O.k. so I'm finding myself easily set off still.  I have got to let go of the tension and stop focusing on the little annoyances as if they were actually real problems.  It's easy to amplify things.

I'm greatful I have insurance.  

I'm grateful my department lets me park behined the building in our extra dept. spaces.  

I'm thankful I *can* still move around and am not stuck in a hospital.  

I'm greatful for my good friends and how helpful people are.  

I'm glad that yesterday when I thought I could go grocery shopping on my own some incredibly nice (and fairly attractive) guy literally saw me being frustrated and walked around the store with me pushing my cart so I could get a few things I needed.  That was incredibly nice.

I'm glad I can just stay home and rest this weekend.

I'm grateful that I can communicate with people effectivly over the internet and phone when I can't get to them.  I should skype with my parents and sister and show them my leg.

I'm grateful that I have really nice roommates, and especially Ben who has helped make my crutches more comfortable and brought something I left in the house, in a pants pocket in my room, out to me in the car yesterday.  Also for Jen and anyone else who has or will 
bring me water. . (I expect that will be one of the more frequent requests)

I'm grateful that the new dog seems to be working out well and that she's very sweet.  

I'm grateful that I got to see Captain America with Mike and Daniel.

I'm grateful that I got to spend tuesday night just relaxing with Eric and watching true blood after a nice meal cooked at my house.

I'm also grateful that it was easy and worked out well to watch stuff in the basement. . if my laptop and monitor can be carried down there.

I'm grateful that my body is strong and awesome and heals quickly.  They really did say 6 weeks. :)

I'm grateful that I met with a really nice and easy to talk to Dr. at Christy Clinic podiatry. 

I'm grateful for being able to play fun role playing games. . and that I have great people to play board games with. :)

I'm Grateful that I have a lunch that I can stay inside to eat. . avoiding bad weather and crutches.

I'm grateful that even though I know I didn't bring rain gear, it will all work out fine for my drive home.

I'm grateful that I get paid on next wed.  and that it's friday. . :)  and that this list is really making me smile.

I'm also grateful for all of my friends and family. . if you are reading this or even if you aren't. . Thank you Thank you thank you. . for. . really. . everything.  I'm sure you can think of things you've helped me with . . and I really appreciate it.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

foot update- just got back from the podiatrist

edit:  I should have stated here in the first place:  I was running about 10 or 20 feet on uneven ground in sandals and twisted my foot.   Or I was defending the house from a vampire who . . might have somehow gotten invited in.. and one flying kick to the chest for the vamp. .pushing him into a broken chair piece ended with him dusting and my foot twisting on the chair when he disappeared...

o.k. so, I got it wrapped in a splint instead of a cast, or a boot. A boot would be heavier, and the dr. said she would want me to not take it off anyway. the break is near the closer joint of the 5th metatarsal and was probably caused by tendons pulling it apart. Therefore, she doesn't want any movement on those tendons. I still can't get it wet, but it feels less claustrophobic and it could come off. . if there was an emergency and it could get rewrapped by non hospital people if necessary. I'm thinking of getting a roll along thing, but only if it's cheaper than 75 dollars. . I can rent one for that much per month. . and I'll probably only need it for a month. I do hate the crutches. . a lot already. I can drive, I am not in much pain, though I do have vicoden for just in case. I was told specifically to keep it elevated as much as possible and to keep icing it as much as possible as well. I was told it will probably heal in 6 weeks. I do not know if I'll be able to walk on it sooner than that, but maybe. also right now, absolutely no walking . . or other activity with the ankle. but everything else is fine as long as I keep it dry and weight off really.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Words from a witless lackey: Bloodsucking Ghostly Summer Giveaway!

Words from a witless lackey: Bloodsucking Ghostly Summer Giveaway!: "I’m having a Celebratory Giveaway! I’ve had a lot of good news lately, and a lot of good reviews and the latest was enough to just put me o..."

Monday, July 11, 2011

dream of ...dorm life?

real quick cause I'm got up too late.  I was hanging out with a bunch of undergrads at their apt. and their dorm.  I just met some of them.  I think the dorm might have been Allen, or at least it felt like "my old dorm".  I saw Britta there.  also it seemed attached to a grocery store that I was working very part time at.  I didn't really care about the job.  I remember looking for something and another customer wanted it also.  I had a friend/co-worker helping me find it but she had to go do something and would be right back.

I think he beginning part of the dream involved hanging out at someone's apt. where I met some of these new friends and something about meeting/talking about hot guys...

Saturday, July 9, 2011

"No Desire"-- I've been reading about the Buddha

So, I just read a passage in a book by Deepak Chopra, Buddha:  With Bonus Material, in which he tells the story of the Life of the Buddha and then his thoughts on some of his teachings.

The part I was just struck by is the positive idea of "no desire".  If you have everything you want, do you have any more desires?  If you are entirely fulfilled, then you want for nothing.  Want implies not having.  There are many implications to this, that I imagine a Buddhist would say boil down to:  Life is an illusion and thus the only useful implication is that the only thing worth having is something we already have and is not part of the Illusion.

My biggest problem with Buddhism is the same problem I had with the Matrix.  Once you recognize the illusion, why throw it away.  If you are dreaming and suddenly become lucid, why wake up.  Why not enjoy the dream to the fullest and only discard the parts that are unhelpful, you don't like, or do not teach you what you need.  I'm not sure the Illusion is bad just because it's not real.  --now at this point I'm also willing to say that maybe I just am not .. ready enough to fully accept that there is something better than the illusion.  In the Matrix, the Agents said that they first created a world in which everything was perfect but people rejected it.  I want to know why.  Maybe when things are too god to be true, people have trouble accepting it, and accepting their own responsibility for their bliss, but why is that an impossibility?  why is it only suffering or nothing?

anyway I've digressed a bunch.  The point is that I think there is a link between the idea that not having desires is a result of being fulfilled on a complete and true level, and the LOA (law of attraction) idea that to get what you want you must stop struggling against it and act/feel/believe that you already have it.  In other words, assume you already have everything you want.  If you suffer from not having it, if you are focused on the lack, that is where you will stay.

The point at which the LOA and Buddhism splits is at the idea that the having in life must still lead to suffering. I would argue that to truly live such that you are creating only positive non suffering existence one must not struggle.  One must not embrace the suffering, but let it go and embrace already having all things one might want.  having less that perfect situation does help one find what one does not want, or identify the "suffering" but the next step is to let it go.  If one lets go of the suffering, one does not have to let go of the bliss.  It is also a lot like identifying an insecurity.  If you identify it, and let it go, one does not have to loose the benefit of the defense mechanism.  One can loose the fear and still enjoy the benefit of the skill that the fear helped to teach.

Buddha would say that if you are relying on contrast to show you what you want and don't want, you are already loosing the "war" by participating.  I think that you can use the contrast to ever move closer to bliss.  Letting go off finding your security in your attachments or the worry of loosing things you may or may not have, allows you to find the bliss in everything, and carry your security and sense of wonder with you always, no matter what you may or may not have.  If you let go of the negative when you see it, but continue to be aware of contrasts and possible desires (cause as soon as you want it for real you can know you have it and no longer really desire it) then you can keep moving more and more toward your true self and what *really* makes you happy.

Also I see a small but very significant difference between "no desire" as a deadening of desire and "no desire" as an acceptance of desire instantly becoming something you "have" and thus satisfied as soon as it occurs to you.

Of course there is the saying that "having isn't a great a thing as wanting", which I think just means that you didn't get what you really wanted, or you didn't understand what you really wanted.    When you desire out of  "lack" and then get the thing. . you don't really get what you want, cause you desired a "not lacking" not the thing itself.  Getting the thing does not cure the lack, it just means you got the thing.  You still want to "not lack", and that you can take care of easily on your own without getting the thing.

I think that's my thoughts on the subject for now.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

nap -weird dream

So this felt a lot like being in an episode of Dr. Who.  I was with a group of people.  We'd been dealing with strange things, that I think, had to do with an alternate reality.  I think it mirrored our own and maybe was advanced in time.  Some kind of evil genius had started a kind of reaction in which reality was stretching and slicing into tings and people.  It was very much like parts of reality were moving broken mirrors.  The part of the dream I remember best is after we had found the source of the problem, having to do with some revenge plot, and maybe using this effect as a weapon and then it got out of control.  My friends and I were on a bus.  We did have someone like the Dr. Who we were following.  Also on the bus we met a woman who it turned out was one of our friend's girlfriends.  She was intending to propose to him when he got home.  She saw some of the crazy . . slicing in the bus, and when he got home and saw her again, it started happening there and hurting his family.  The breaks were getting worse and worse.  One of the older heads of the family had their head cut off.  And then I woke up.  Dad woke me up and my heart was racing. 

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

morphing dreams- magic, role playing and a party

I'm not sure if the wizards duel came first or the bar, but I think it was the bar.   I remember. .going there a 2nd time.  It was a dark and small bar, but people I knew.. mostly from larpting seemed to show up there.   I think I went there after going to the wizard's school.  I think there was a bluring of role playing and live action in the dream.  I was supposed to fight someone else at the school, but it had been. . a long time since I'd actually gone over spells and I couldn't remember which ones I knew.  I'd been given some kind of advice that a certain book would help me and so I went searching through the empty school for an old spell book. Eventually I found it and I remember looking for a good spell.  I know we got some spells off, and I remember having to tell an ST about my plans to get him before I cast the spell.  we ended up following each other on flying sort of toy railroad cars. and I don't remember who won or what happened next.  I remember going back to the bar and then going to someone's house where mike and this other woman  were running an old wod live action changeling game.  I think we had some new people and there was something going on in front of us,  and something behind.  I tried to use a power, but the book I had that described it was really confusing.  Also the woman storyteller left and we weren't sure if she was ever coming back.  Then a bunch of people showed up  for a party at that house.  The different parts of the dream started to blur together.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

super hero dream

well I will work on getting to the comp sooner.  I have a feeling I'll be remembering dreams a bit more in the near future.

anyway what I remember right now is that I was "playing" 2 or 3 different characters.  I think we were going through some kind of revamp/reboot and there were multiple groups/games.  The bluring between game and "live action" was really fluid.  I had a Batman, a female character that was sort of like catwoman. . but was kind of blind and had a grappling hook, and a 3rd I don't remember well. There was some kind of catastrophe and we had lost contact with Atlantis.  All of the heroes had gathered in one place to discuss what to do.  I sort of know there were other PCs and NPCs.  In the dream I remember being aware of what was happening out of character, but we were all trying to stay in character as much as possible.  I did not get the feeling we were playing abberant, or of any particular system.  there was no die rolling or character sheets in my dream.  I remember feeling very excited to see what would happen next and to see what decisions we were going to make about how the game would work (structure and plot/character ideas).  That's what I was thinking right before I woke up.

Sunday, May 1, 2011


Hi, so yeah all of *my* stuff is at my new place.  I have to unpack and put everything away. . and my roommates need to finish moving and getting their stuff over here. . and unpack. :)  They have been a great help at getting my large things moved, and I'd like to thank Eric F. and Ryan T. for helping me move.  Eric pretty much helped me move every step of the way, and Ryan was the only other non roommate friend who answered my call for help.  I'm just glad it's done.

Keep watching for a housewarming party.

also check out the blog and how I have my shelfari shelf on it now.  Turns out you can import all purchased books on amazon into shelfari. :) yay.

see ya. .

Friday, April 22, 2011

moving in with roommates again

New adventure in living in a house again, with roommates and saving lots of money. :)

First hurdle is having to take out a parent loan to get past the initial problem of not having much savings at the moment, but I've got awesome parents and I will pay them back quickly.

anyway I'm sure we'll have some kind of housewarming in the near future.  I can't wait to get settled.  it will be awesome.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

3 days into Visiting Kelly and Adam in Ca

For those who may be interested, I've survived my first two days with Kelly and Adam and the kids. I got in really late Saturday night/Sunday morning. Sunday we went to the farmer's market and generally hung out. I got to see Clara ride her bike and Kelly and Adam rode their bikes with Eli in his child's seat. Yesterday Clara went to school, and then Kelly hosted a play group. It turned out to mostly just be the neighbors down the street because other people cancelled for various reasons. We also had a friend and colleague of Adam's over for Dinner. She was very nice. Kelly cooked stew for dinner. She's a great cook.

Today I got to see a cactus garden, went to the mall, and saw some redwoods and the ocean briefly. The kids were fun to have with us.

Here are the pictures I took so far:

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Chicago Adventure with Eric

So, for the info of others who may be curious and to get some observations down right away I want to get this down before much time has passed.

Yesterday Eric and I went to Chicago. He'd asked me to go have an adventure without making much more plan besides finding a hotel and throwing out a few ideas of things to do. This included going out to "a bar or club"(not a gay bar), probably shopping, going to a fancy Japanese buffet in the Woodfield Mall, going to a museum, and going to the Galloping Ghost Arcade. There was also this . . theory that one or both of us might find someone to go home with at the bar, or I could end up meeting up with friends at some point.

I'll state here that it's possible that we could have discussed some of these. . expectations in more realistic terms but it over all sounded like it would be fun. More or less. I, unfortunately, began freaking out a bit a day or two before leaving. I have a really hard time when I don't know what to expect out of a situation, and this is mostly ameliorated by having a plan and discussing expectations in general. :) Eric kept insisting that by not having an itinerary it would be more of an adventure and we'd be less disappointed if something didn't work out. He was more or less correct. . .but it didn't help my state of mind. I did resolve to try and let go and just trust him to "make it fun" though. :)

anyway, not very much happened "as planned".

First, Eric was supposed to drive and call me first thing in the morning, when he was ready to go. The time we'd talked about leaving was "before noon". I got a call around 7:45 and Eric said he was getting his oil changed and would be over soon. It was snowing, sort of hard, and he wanted to get going before it trapped us in c-u. I made myself get breakfast and get ready to go. I got a second call that he was getting his tires rotated and would be there soon. Then at 9:30 or 9:40 or so he showed up and said there was something wrong with his car that was not too hard to fix, but difficult to do in the current weather. After a brief tired debate, we decided to take my car, and I had him drive. I hate driving and he loves it. He's good at it and I trusted him to take us safely through the snow. Also we knew that the snow was not happening in chicago.

We left and stopped once to get food around 11 something and then took an exit to try this "Park and Ride" thing Eric wanted to do. We took an exit that claimed to be such and found a parking lot next to the metra. We got out, read stuff and tried to figure out how it worked. It was kind of obscured information and after a bit of looking we came back to the car and. . found the wheel locked and the key could not turn in the ignition. We talked to quite a few people including my parents, his brother, a ford dealer, people on facebook, and a few others. . they all said to "Turn the wheel, either left or right, hard if necessary and turn the key". Everyone gave the same advice. Over and over. seriously. I'm pretty sure we came close to breaking the steering column. Eventually I got a tow truck and the nice tow truck driver took one look, and try with the key, and said that the problem was that the ignition was locked up. The steering column would have to be replaced and he happened to have one that he and a buddy could install for us. And have it done overnight. The close dealers were closed and who knows when they might get to it anyway. Also these guys could do it for $200. Eric called his brother to verify that the price was good and it seemed to be. With few other options and after we made sure to get information about this guy, we made a deal. He was even nice enough to drive us to (and today pick us up from) the Metra station.

So finally, we were on the train into Chicago. We had a bit of confusion about reading google maps transit directions but eventually got to our hotel at 6:00p.m. We had very wet feet and were pretty tired and were very glad to be there. We checked into a small room with two twin beds and set out to find food. We were very hungry and we decided to eat in Chinatown. Oh yeah, our hotel was in china town. And Bryan's food apprehensions started to set in. I was starting to get tense because most of these restaurants looked very similar and 75% of the food looked unfamiliar. We walked up and down the street until we finally chose the place with one of the largest signs. It was actually really nice. I ordered Orange Chicken and a "Volcano" of Long Island Iced Tea. We ate well, drank well, and actually even talked to a nice family who had a son doing grad school in the Materials Science Department at uiuc. I recognized the name, but wasn't sure if I'd met him. One of the women in the group suggested going to bars in Wicker park.

After dinner we went back to the room and tried to figure out what we wanted to do next. The goal mainly was a bar. After trying to poll other people somewhat and feeling slightly daunted by trying more CTA fun, we eventually decided to go to Wicker Park. Eric had some apprehension about bars and we went in the first one that didn't look too annoying. The problem is I'm not big on bars that have lots of loud music and I find it difficult to talk or interact with people. We did have a drink each and watch some people play pool and shuffle board. Eventually we had trouble doing anything with the music and I wasn't very engaged in what was going on because of the music.

We left, made it back to the hotel room and drank, relaxed, watched anime and fell asleep.

Today we woke up, and I tried something else new: Dim Sum breakfast in Chinatown. I almost melted down and had a really hard time relaxing, but by the end of the meal I decided I was really glad I'd tried it. It was good food, but I had no idea what *any* of it was and that always kinda scares me. We were very full when we left. We were going to try and get to the mall and maybe the arcade (or vice versa)but by the time we were done eating we decided to get the car and then see what time it was. We made our way back through the CTA system, then the Metra, waited half an hour and eventually got back to Matteson to get the car. We decided that we didn't really have time to go anywhere else. . and were tired and frustrated. . and went home.

we had a bunch of discussion about how things went, how we reacted and how we interacted. . which was fascinating and could spark endless discussion. . but ultimately. . in spite of the difficulties the trip was a success. We learned the public transportation system better, and learned more about each other and how this sort of trip might work int he future. It was one of the firs times I've ever gone to chicago and not stayed with someone I knew there.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

fairy tale

I had a dream about a classic fairy tale evil queen worried about a prophecy and had as an adopted child, the one who would bring her down later.