My Problem with Libertarianism(s)

I've been listening to a Freakenomics podcast today that is mostly about, and fairly supportive of, Libertarians and their ideas.

While it's good to get the information, it mostly serves to remind me why their ideas and ideals tend to irritate me.


First... I want to state that I actually support what I understand to be the main goal of Libertarians.  I support not having any more rules or laws than necessary, and generally cutting out those laws and rules that are overly restrictive and only serve to aid in corruption and putting money into politics or otherwise hurting people.

My problem is that in the consideration of what laws and rules are necessary.. . What I usually hear about Libertarians is that they support deregulation..across the board, and privatization or many things that our government currently provides.  And. . if they are even interested in social justice of any kind, it's entirely along the lines of lessening restrictions on what people do, and not doing anything to fix or make the landscape healthier for those that are disenfranchised.

My perception is that Libertarians have a couple of broken fantasies:  1. that the Market is free and will self regulate, and 2. that people don't actually need government for very much in their lives.

Again I completely think that our current system *is* too convoluted, and rigged in favor of the rich, and politically connected.  Unfortunately I hear so often about how they want to get the government out of business, take out the regulation, and basically let people make money however they want.  And I think that results in those with money having way more money to stay in their money and bar entry to others doing anything that might encroach on their ability to make money.  It turns out. . . when one is rich, one tends to have the power to influence the market way easier than those that have less money.  Without regulation that tends to be the case in general money = power.

The market is not free without regulation.

Also the only way people even begin to have equal chance at equal opportunities is if those with fewer opportunities are lifted up to the same level as those that already have them.

If education quality is not the same for everyone (ideally the best that we can design) then we get people who have wildly different opportunities from the beginning, not even taking into account humanity's general natural biases and different economic or social power differences.

The bottom line is that there are a lot of things that it is nearly impossible for individuals to do, and one *needs* a community, really a government to do them  Even if you can somehow fairly create infrastructure  for a community in a privatization level, it's very challenging to create a community that is fair and supports *everyone* if it is run and fueled by private concerns instead of government regulation.

Maybe I'm cynical, but I really believe that individuals really need laws and regulation or at least larger organizational motivation in order to actually be significantly charitable and look out for those with less might to make right.

This may be another bit of cynicism, but when people complain about laws and regulation that are designed to help others economically or otherwise and keep people safe from individuals and corporations/businesses. . all I can think of is that those people are upset at not being able to exert their power at the detriment of others.

I'm really in favor of having as few of laws as possible, and eliminating loopholes for taxes etc, and really taking as much money out of politics as possible.  But even more important, I'm in favor of doing everything we can as a society to make society better.  We need to support educating *everyone* as a default setting.  We need to support making sure everyone has housing, everyone has food, everyone has healthcare as a default setting.  I'm actually very in favor of a guaranteed not uncomfortably surviving level of income.  There can still be incentive for people to "do better" but if you are focused on just surviving, you can't focus on making the world a better place.  We need to construct a society that actually makes everyone better, and not "Every person out for themselves".

Show me a Libertarian movement that is not based on deregulating big business and that supports social equality and programs that really help those that don't have the power to help themselves and I might just sign on.

been a while since I wrote a dream post.

Angie and I were sneaking around a big old house.  I thin it was supposed to be haunted.  I think . . we saw something either definitely scary or definitely haunted, and then we got out and drove to another place where angie knew someone who would be able to help?

At this new house I sort of just followed her lead.  She opened the door and walked in.  I think maybe we knocked or rang the doorbell, but I think I head voices.  Angie was faster than me.  I might have been distracted by something.  But she went in and went down some stairs.  the house or at least the basement was really pretty big.  IT was well lit and I had this.  very, hippyish feel to it.  I remember looking in one wrong room with an older person in it and apologized saying I was looking for my cousin.

 

Eventually I found her.. but we went somewhere else.  I am not sure if we went through a portal, or stairs or what but it was very . . cloudy, and .. more surreal.  We were in a place that was like walking on clouds.  There were other . . creatures and people there.  There was a weird.  system ? set up whee there was a portal and sometimes. . dark things came out of it. and sometimes. . people came out.  there was a kind of balance between dark and light.  

Much of the dream was themed around being somewhere I wasn't quite supposed to be.  Not because it was necessarily against the law, but more that I was in someone else's place without permission. Also Angie was the knowledgeable one, but not always. . extremely knowledgable.  I spent most of the dream following her around, or looking for her.

I know there were many details in every location I can't quite remember.  I remember being scared in the ..haunted house.  and I remember feeling like I was not trespassing, but moving through someone else's house without permission, in the 2nd house, and I remember being a stranger in a weird magical . . land in the cloud place.  

I remember the clouds there being fluffy, almost warm, and shapeable.  and I do remember talking to people and creatures in the cloud place.  So much more I can't quite remember.

Bryan K. 

This morning's Dream

All I remember is that I was in a house that was not one I recognized.  My sister and my parents were there.  Something was happening, I feel like it might have been kinda scary, but maybe not.  I was surprised that I remembered so much, and I should have written it down right away.  well now I'd better get to sleep.  hopefully I remember more tomorrow.

action movie dream

So I had a dream this morning that felt like I was the main character in the middle of an action movie.  I was in a huge building and moving around a large .. chasam, like area.  It was like those buildings, like a hotel or something with offices that had a big open space from the first floor to the top, but I was so high up I couldn't really see the bottom.  I was near the top and the walkways were more like ledges without railings.

I had handcuffs on that I could get out of anytime I wanted, and I was in trouble for doing something wrong, like arresting the bad guy the wrong way.  Possibly there was something about the situation that the law didn't believe me about.  I was either by myself, or people in charge had to leave to handle some kind of emergency.  I was walking around the ledge, crossed the gap, and then down some stairs on my way somewhere.  Then I suddenly realized that the bad guy was loose.

I took the handcuffs off and started going back up the way I came.  I got to the top of the other side and somehow I saw the bad guy in just the perfect place below me. I was able to sneak up on him and kick him in the back to knock him off the ledge.  Unfortunately I only knocked him down a floor or so.  I was trying to see if he was hurt or dead or whatever when I woke up.

yup.  writing before bed works.  I don't think I spent as much time imagining going through the new house as I wanted.  I'll try and do that tonight.

See ya.

trouble sleeping so I might as well write

My nose is stuffed up a bit so that it's a little hard to breath through my nose and I don know if I'm tense but I'm having trouble relaxing to sleep.

so I thought I'd try typing a bit.  I thought maybe I'd encourage lucid dreaming by writing about my day.  maybe I'll at least remember my dreams.

so the day went pretty well over all.  We had a homebuyer's class that went from 9 a.m. to 1:30pm  It was supposed to go to 2, but got out a bit early.  They also bought us lunch.  There were only 9 of us in the class, and the instructor was pretty good.  There was a lot of material that everyone in the class had already lived through.  I think everyone was going to the class to satisfy a requirement of a grant/loan deal and had already found a house and had a closing date.  It was a good class.

It was sort of both reassuring and. . nervousness inducing at the same time, but not too much nervousness.

When we got home, we went for a walk, and then both took naps on the couches sort of spontaneously.  I'd been looking forward to a "movie night" but Billy was too tired to really enjoy one so we put it off.  It was good for me though because I got some useful stuff done for my juries.  I'm still not working on them enough.  I was, however disappointed and had some of my crazy "jarring" effect  get to me.  It was probably for the best anyway.

After I worked on my Juries until around 8:30, I came downstairs and had ice cream while Billy watched youtube DIY woodworking shows.   He went to bed and I came up to give him a leg massage because he said his legs were aching.  Then I played Hearthstone until I tried to sleep a bit after 1. . maybe 1:30. I did get Natalie to lay in bed with us until I got up because I wasn't breathing through my nose well and I couldn't relax.

NOw it's almost 3 and if I still can't relax when I go back up I'll come down and try some alcohol.  I'm planning on picturing myself flying around or walking around our new house and see if I can make myself dream about it.

o.k. now I sleep.  good night/morning.

Blur

The day.. Just feels like it happened so fast. Work continued being crazy. Felt like constant phone calls. Got into a disagreement on fb. My dislike of restaurant tippng and the example I found of a different, arguably better way got interpreted as an attack on a friend's income. At least he seemed willing to discuss rather than yell. Though I apologized for the offence and never got a response. Not sure if he saw it. I'll avoid the subject in the future. Had a union meeting tonight. It was really hot in the. Meeting room.

Going to see some houses rinirris

quick day

   
     I'm about to go to sleep. . and I feel I probably didn't do enough useful today.  The day started and it was difficult to get out of bed.  But I did and I got a ride one more time.  I really really hope my bike is still good to ride tomorrow.  It was last time I checked. I got a ride because I was worried about random snow or ice not quite melted in the morning.

     The day was mostly uneventful, though I made sure to go for a 30 min walk at lunch so that I could make my gym pact. I've apparently been penalized a few times and hadn't realized it because it had come out of my account that I almost never check. . I lucked out in figuring it out finally because I just barely avoided overdrawing.  I've now, just a minute ago, cashed out over $15 to go into the account that I had previously been penalized in.

     The other interesting things while at work included:  talking to a girl named Cashe (pronounced Cash-ay), being told by a college friend that I was the reason they were not homophobic, and signing up for a 3d printing class tomorrow.  The newsletter that talked about the classes only came out today and they filled up really fast.  Tomorrow was the only day I could do.  Also I actually got feedback from my adviser about my Jury writing. yay.  now I need to slack less for schoolwork

    After work I got a ride home and Billy had a headache.  We had plans to meet up with another college friend for dinner.  We went to Crane Alley and a 4th person joined us that I hadn't seen in probably 7 years or so. at least.  It was a good dinner and Billy seemed to enjoy himself. . except for the headache.  When we got home he pretty much went right to bed.  I went out to get him some Aleve and he took it and stayed in bed.

     I transcribed my audio feedback from my advisor, and took a shower, after cleaning the cat litter box.  Now I am going to bed.

Pleasant dreams.

--Gryphon

well apparently I'm tired but I still don't want to sleep.

     I remembered a dream this morning.  yay.  But you saw that.  Today I woke up, had Bulletproof coffee, got my lunch together and got picked up by Stephanie.  Got to work, and was fairly busy till the end.  I expected to get an email today about my pre approval letter for our mortgage for the house we are going to get, but so far nothing.  If I don't get it tomorrow I'll call.

     I talked to Billy over lunch though it was a bit loud.  I wish I had an office I could hide in and eat with the door shut and the light out for lunch. Andrea wasn't there today so I had to get coey to give me a ride home.  Billy cooked a nice dinner of chicken and vegetables from a paleo web site.  I think he's going to get some recipes from Stephanie also. We also talked through some more house stuff.  I feel like if we were married, there wouldn't be an issue, and it would probably all just be jointly done.  But as it was pointed out to me, it is probably a good idea to have a plan, at least talked about how things might get divided up if we ever broke up.  We need to find out how putting a name on a deed works and what the various outcomes might be in different situations.  Ultimately if he's paying for half of everything, even if his name isn't on the mortgage, he'll want to, and deserves to get equity out of it if we ever sell it or if we break up.  I'm not sure what we'll do yet if we break up and say, I still want to live in the house.  Course if I got the house, I'd have to have a roommate no matter what, except if I somehow get an amazing much better paying job before then.  So it's good we are talking about it.

     Also, apparently if we get married it will be when I pop the question.  He's probably good for it anytime I'm ready.  Marriage is so . . strange.  I feel like my perception of when one proposes.. has been skewed by movies and popular media.  but we'll see.  There will be a point that I'll decide I need to make it happen, I'm sure.

anyway. . After dinner, I played Nobils.  It was a really good game,.. and I think we are almost done with this one.  Things are really getting intense.  Then I took a nice hot shower, and got ready for bed pretty much.  . this is is part of getting ready for bed.

now good night and pleasant dreams. :)

Dream : leaving

I  know there was more.. But I remember I was leaving a city in the way home. Kelly was there. And I know got r me money was tight and I almost had trouble getting a  ticket. I had a spontaneous adventure feeling. I  remember walking outside, dodging traffic with the group on the way to a train station. Kind of like Chicago. I remember not finding the door to GO in station till it was pointed out to me.

That's all for now.

too tired to write much. . I got up, went to work.  ate great food that billy made.  worked on some school work. and then went sledding with Audra and Cat.  then came home, showered and sat in a hot bath and then played Godus.  now sleeping

Tiny fragments

All I'm getting so far is bits about Mr Argent from teen wolf. I'll write more later if I remember more.

pre bed night 2

     So another thing that may help me dream more or remember them better, might be  getting more sleep.  I mean if I go to bed sooner and I feel like I don't have to pull myself out of bed with as much difficulty I may be able to concentrate on remembering better.  I remembered a dream this morning. . but it was weird, because when it all came to me. . it almost seemed like a story that I'd read instead of a dream I actually remembered having.

     Anyway, the events of today started with getting up around 10a.m. to my wonderful boyfriend telling me that breakfast was on the way.  I eventually pulled myself together and noticed I'd missed some calls from my parents. . there were way early.  One was even before 9 a.m. on a sunday. :)  who gets up that early. . on purpose.. .  Oh I should mention that I woke up at some point way early casue the cat was bothering billy.  I took her downstairs but sort of played wither her a bit and then fell asleep on the couch.. or maybe it was the loveseat.  He came down and apparently went to sleep on the couch and the cute kitteh curled up on him.   I went back to bed upstairs. . and then we jump to breakfast being ready.

     I spent a few minutes writing down the dream, and then used the rest room and got dressed.  After breakfast of egg muffins and coffee, I started doing the dishes and called mom and dad back on my phone.  They were having trouble getting their laptop to have an extended screen on their big t.v.  I had them switch to doing a hangout with me from that computer and I used the remote desktop feature to  fix first their sound and microphone.. then show them how to change the way the monitors were set up by going to the resolution screen.

     Then I got distracted trying to explain why homosexual relationships were not really that different than heterosexual ones.  I am not sure I'll ever get through to this guy.  His main argument was that because men and women were fundamentally different. . the relationship had to be fundamentally different between same or different sex couples.  I'm of the opinion that since men and women can both contribute in most of the same ways to relationships and because all women do not contribute to relationships the same, and all men do not.. then it's really that there is a certain. . sort of sum of things that a good relationship must consist of, and both men and women can make up that sum in different and various forms. Anyway, I have a feeling that I'm not going to make dent with this guy, but at least he's civil.

     So then at 2 I played DnD with Alvin and Co.  It went pretty well though we made it a 2 parter.  I played that till 6, and then discussed some reorganization that might happen for another 20 minutes.  Then I got bundled up, shoveled around / out the car and went to pick up some forzen pizza's for dinner.  We ended up splitting one and having some cheese sticks.

     Billy was pretty tired after dinner and didn't stay up very much later.  He went to bed between 8 and 9.  Our sheets needed washing so, I washed them while he slept in the spare bedroom.  Stuff took forever to dry so I layed on the couch with the kitteh working on schoolwork as well as watching more Teenwolf.  (if I really believed very many people read this I might be slightly embarrassed about watching that :))

     I was actually tired as well. . and now that the bed is made I'm crashing. . I almost went to bed sooner but then remembered I needed to write this.  also there was a tower defense game on http://www.kongregate.com/ that needed playing. :)

Good night.

Today's dreams

So I woke up twice this morning, and remember dreaming both times, but.. I only remember one dream very clearly. There was some kind of alien invasion.. I think I was at a school. Humans were made into obedient unquestioning slaves.. Don't something. We had a couple of handlers that were possibly sympathetic. My friends and I found out that the project the aliens had us doing was bring scrapped because it wasn't useful to the aliens anymore and that meant that they were going to kill every one, including the two handlers. There was one male and one female. I watched the male get struck down.. And at the last minute lent him my soul.. Or possibly life.. And weird time stuff happened and he was able to act to stop the aliens from killing everyone, but still died. I was in a weird limbo stare till he was done. Then.. I felt like I was in a changeling role playing game and wanted to see about changing kiths. To one that dealt with ghosts.

dreams and sundry.

     I'm not sure if there is anyone reading this at this point, but I thought I might try to write before sleeping regularly again.  Really that's about a conversation I had tonight in which I decided I wanted to make an effort to remember, and maybe even have lucid dreams again.  I don't really remember having full on lucid dreams, but two people at dinner tonight were talking about how they have them and how awesome they were.  The main  step seems to be remember dreams. . and talking about them and "engaging in them" which means really the first step is to work on remembering them more often.  When I write before bed I tend to remember my dreams more.  Also I think it helps let go of thoughts that might make it harder to sleep.

     So I'm tired and don't want to be up too much longer but I'll write a bit about how today went and then crash.  I started the day around 10,  Made myself some eggs, and did the dishes while Billy went to get his hair cut.    Then I took a shower and was there when he got home. I put on some music while I got dressed and shaved and tried to figure out if there was anything I needed to do before our appointment at 1:00pm

     At 1, we went to Coey's house to meet her Realtor.  We started really looking into possibly buying a house about 2 weeks ago, and I met with a mortgage person for a pre-approval consultation.   For the longest time I didn't  think I'd be able to afford a house, thought it would lock me down to this town for too long (though I've been here for almost 15 years since graduation), and I had it in my head that one generally buys a house either if they are rich, or when they get married.  That last part wasn't necessarily logical.  Anyway, I realize now is as good as a time as most others, and while there have been no proposals as of yet, I know I'd like to buy a house with Billy.  

     I was getting a bit tangent ed there, but back to the day:  The meeting went well, it was very informative. I should be getting my pre-approval letter for the mortgage next week, and then we can *really* start to look.  It did go a bit longer than expected though.  We left Coey's at about 20 till 4 and drove to Bloomington in order to have dinner with Jenna and her friends at a nice Restaurant called Baxters.I really liked it. It's a bit pricey, but it was nice.  We paid for Jenna's dinner and had good conversation in general.  I really like Jenna's friends.  It was during desert that two of them were talking about Lucid dreams.

     After dinner most of us went back to Jenna's place to play Telestrations (awesome telephone/drawing game), but that was after Eric's surprise for Jenna.  We played a quiz to see how well we knew Jenna on a web site called https://play.kahoot.it.  The site is pretty awesome and talking about how it could be used in education made Eric and I realize we had a few more things in common as far as school goes.  Billy won the quiz and Eric and Angie had a $5 gift card for the winner.   yay.

     Then we played Telestrations for 2 rounds which got us to about 10ish.  Billy and I decided we were going to brave the snow to get home to our little kitteh and it was a bit  of a stressful drive home.  I kept watching my navigation app to count down the miles.  Billy drove.. . and I kinda wish I'd driven and or we'd stayed at Jenna's till the plows had come through.  Natalie would have been o.k. till we got here tomorrow.  Billy was in a terrible "enraged" mood when we got home.  I was just glad we made it safe and it wasn't past midnight when we got here.

     And now I'm writing this and heading to bed.  The Kitteh is curled up next to me in the cat bed and I'll carry her into the bedroom to see if she'll stay with us. :)  If I remember my dreams in the morning, I'll post about it here.  

     One last thing, if you read this . . feel free to say hi.  I'm curious if anyone will catch this after this much time since my last post.  Have fun. :)

--- Gryphon

Net Neutrality in the US: Now What?

this is why it is important to come out

this is why it is important to come out

rizzoma dreams discussion

hey so check out and comment on my rizzoma dream log discussion:

I still think it's the best way to discuss things.  wish it could be embedded in blog or g + posts or something.

ok. I'm up way too late, but right now I'll go to sleep with listing some things I'm grateful for:

1. I'm grateful for my friend Eric really trying to make helping him because he's in prison to be as low pressure as possible.

2. I'm grateful for my awesome friends.

3. I'm grateful for a wonderful family to celebrate thanksgiving with.  and for the family that can't be there but still keeps in touch with me and skypes with me so I can see them. :)

4.  I'm grateful for a job that has grate co-workers and will facilitate me furthering my education.

5.  I'm grateful for a nice house and a cozy bed to sleep in. :)

good night.

Rizzoma, Castle and Once Upon a Time

So, I want to try and use Rizzoma for discussions again.  They've made a lot of improvements recently and I want to show it to people so join in this discussion about Castle or Once Upon a time here:

Rizzoma discussion

The Nature of Willpower

It's been a while since I posted... but I feel suddenly inspired.  I wan't sure where the best place to write this might be.  Initially I wanted to respond to a post on FB, which I'll admit I kinda scanned quickly.  It is about "replenishing your self control".

It brings up the nature of Willpower and what one feels they need "self control over." I think that while it's probably good to "replenish" your self control. . it's probably better to just "do what you wish" and "be who you really want to be" and bring your whole self as much in line with your true will as possible. this isn't necessarily easy...but why focus on gassing up something that is really more like a defense mechanism instead of just being who you want to be. ---huh. . I almost never do that. . but then I don't feel like my "self control" is generally a really big issue. This reminds me of another debate I've had with myself about the nature of "willpower". It comes up in role playing games a lot and I often wonder what "spending willpower" and "getting it back" actually represents. In the games you often "spend willpower" to do something difficult you really want to do. However, I'd suggest you really only spend willpower to do something you don't really want to do but feel you should or "have to" do. I suggest therefore that the problem really is in conflicting desires. If you are more .. in line line, internally consistent, of "one will" instead of "many" you do not get fatigued. It's easy to avoid sweet foods if you *actually want* to loose weight, and you like the alternative foods etc. If you actually want to do something more than you don't want to do it by a significant amount, then you don't have to "spend willpower". The trick is to find what can cause you to put more of your.. will/self desires behind the motivation to do something you think you "should" do. also. . there is no should. there is only what you want to do and what is possible to do. It's all about what you want more and to reduce the conflicting wants. BTW wants also include fears (desire for safety means you feel insecure) so by reducing your insecurities and fears you also help bring yourself in line (I feel like there is a better way to say that..) You don't have to worry about your self control being exhausted, if you already just want to do the thing you want to have self control over.



What do you think? I've often thought about these ideas and also how they relate to motivation. Along similar lines I tend to think that there is a formula to that is related to what I said above to help you do something you think you "should" do. I suppose there are more factors, really more desires than just these two sides but in the past I've thought of it like this. If desire to do something is > the difficulty of doing it, one will do it. if it is equal then one will struggle and if it is < the difficulty then one will not do it no matter how much they whine and complain about it. I think that difficulty in this equation (especially taking into account my above statements) also includes insecurities and any other mental difficulty along with any physical difficulty. I would also suggest that *most* of the time the issue is more of a mental difficulty than actual physical one. People usually surprise themselves by what they can do, and often say they "can't" or "it's too hard" etc. when they are just insecure (I say just but that doesn't mean it's easy to overcome, it' just means they are blaming the wrong thing) or have some other mental block about it. Often once one has done the thing once they automatically reduce (or move around) their insecurities and other mental blocks to doing something and the "difficulty" level goes way down. The activity didn't *actually* get easier, but we realized it wasn't as hard as we thought it was. AT that point it takes less "will expenditure" to do the activity. I would argue that more of our will is behind the activity, and thus we don't have to "spend it".. if that makes sense. It's already there.


So, what do you think? am I missing something? Do these theories make sense?

Offending Straight White Males

So recently I posted this article to facebook:  Lowest Difficulty There is

*edit:  I have come to the conclusion that the above article fails at discussing this topic unoffensively*

And I had a few straight white males react, feeling very offended.  They seemed to feel that their value, the value of their achievements, and the value of their troubles, were being devalued by the article and people who agree with it.  I answered, possibly a little long windedly, these people in different places and I'm going to try and consolidate and answer as best that I can here.

First there a bunch of things I do not believe the article is saying that I  feel like are being read into it:  The article is not saying that SWMs are not working harder than other people.  It is not saying that they are getting life handed to them.  It is not saying that SWMs are not getting picked on, or that they won't have other traits that hold them back.  It is not saying that non- SWMs are better people for having "more trouble", and it is not saying that non - SWMs are not succeeding.  It not saying that Real Life will *always*  have the odds stacked in a particular person's favor no matter what.  Also I want to stress that this article/concept should not be threatening in any way.  It is not about blaming, or wanting to take anything away from anyone.

What it is saying is that if you take two people with all things similar except for race, gender, or sexual orientation, there will be a difference, and that difference will probably, more often than not, favor the one that is more straight, white, or male.  This means that in Real Life assumptions made, laws (and yes I know there are complaints about protected classes and affirmative action, but I'll come back to this), worry about and actual violence against, and just plain psychology related to dealing with life are going to be different and often more challenging.  It is about raising awareness and paying attention to the fact that differences *do* exist and seeing when they have an effect.  You don't even have to *do* anything about it necessarily, just be more conscious when you are making choices and more conscious of how and why others make their choices.

Now I want to address the whole:  "but I was different in this other way and was picked on or held back, or had this other problem even though I'm a SWM".   There are 2 main points I'd like to make(pervasiveness and more invisible) .  First that  Orientation/Race/Gender are more pervasive than most other differences.  This does not invalidate other differences and problems arising from it.  It just means that they affect more.  Think of these things like layered templates on a character.  When you make a character, one usually decides if they are Male or Female first.  This is because there are a whole host of differences, physical, social, emotional, and otherwise that are assumed based on that choice.  These differences effect almost every area of your life and many on extremely subtle ways.

Next one probably chooses their Race.  Whether it's an elf, or an asian or mixed race of something, it means something.  People assume various backgrounds and situations and mental, physical, and social differences.  Again, it's pervasive.  It's connected to one's family, social situations, and probably while one could have any job, there are certain jobs people think of first.  If you keep thinking of it in a fantasy setting. . ask yourself, what kind of class best suits an elf, or a halfling and why?  You can start making the racial characteristics less different, and imagining them closer and closer to Real Life and you probably find that various jobs do not really stop suggesting themselves.

Speaking of job suggestions, the very fact that if I say "Hairdresser" one probably assumes he's gay, means that this job assumption thing happens with sexual orientation as well.  This also affects who one hangs out with, who you date, who can more easily persuade you by batting their eyelashes, and it's less likely that a gay guy will work for .. say the salvation army and people might assume that they know about fashion. BTW I understand that men always do better as hairdressers than women do, even though women are probably the majority of the workforce in that profession. The reverse seems to be true for massage therapists, but I think that speaks more to how people view massage and who is most likely to get them than anything else.

So as far as pervasiveness goes, my point is that as far as the level of effect that one of these 3 factors has for *most* people (there are always exceptions) they make such a huge difference that it's hard for them not to have both negative and positive effects.  When you are talking about minorities, it is almost impossible for the majority to not be favored without putting in specific protections against it.  The parts most difficult to protect against are the most subtle.

Which brings me to my next point.  It is often subtle.  The differences can be big and obvious, and those can be easy to compensate for.  Everyone knows that it's bad to treat black people like slaves, or treat women like sexual objects in the work force, and these days most people find it wrong to fire someone when they find out they are gay.   But when you are invited to a wedding and you wonder if you were not single, would you have been welcome to have a date (most weddings I've gone to probably would have, but not all I even took a female friend as a date to my sister's wedding).   Or if you have to think about how you actually talk and act different when you go from college to visiting your family (had a black friend tell me about how this happened while she was in college), or any time masculinity is seen as "good" or "acceptable" or "strong" when femininity is seen as "weak", or "less", or "bad" . . . there is a difference. and it effects everything.  Just because you don't notice it, it probably just means that you aren't feeling that effect.  If you feel like you are inclusive cause you have your one black friend, but would feel weird if you were the only white guy around a crowd of black people.. it makes a difference.    Just because you hang out with women that build houses for a living, doesn't mean that other people will always assume that your co-worker isn't a lesbian or "should be taking care of the kids".  Just cause you choose to be a stay at home dad, doesn't mean that other people don't think your wife is forcing you into something wrong.     And, just because you feel you've worked really hard for everything you've gotten, or that your high school life was hell, because you were a geek, doesn't mean it wasn't marginally easier for you than if you were black or gay or a woman.  Maybe if you woke up tomorrow with that difference (and everything was changed so that it made sense) you wouldn't notice the difference or feel you were treated differently, but I'd be willing to bet a large sum of money that you'd be pretty surprised.

I've also been asked for examples of how I've been held back, or had problems because I'm gay.  To some extent I'm a bit floored by this and feel I should just point to any state that either specifically bans or doesn't let gay marriage be legal, or any time anti-gay adoption laws are voted on.. or anytime my RIGHTS are freaking VOTED on. . . .  seriously.  the fact that that's even an option to vote on.

Anyway I think they want more personal, and probably more job related examples.  The first thing I'll point out is that society is getting better, and I'm very very lucky.    I also realize that the worst horror stories one hears about are not "the norm" but I've heard enough non "worst case" but still significantly bad stories to know that I'm still pretty lucky.  Coming out could have been way worse.  I'm fairly confident that if I married or civil unioned a guy now my parents would treat him the same as they treat my sister's husband.  But the whole coming out thing. . is not something any straight person really has to go through.  Maybe if they change religions.. but it's not really the same.  and it's getting easier, but I didn't date in high school.  I'm pretty sure my emotional/dating growth was stunted until I could admit to myself that I really preferred guys. I did have a girlfriend and we are still facebook friends.  Definitely held back as far as dating went there.  Also every time I meet new  people, or get a new job etc. . depending on how important it is to me to not make a bad impression, I do still worry a little about them finding out I'm gay.  To some extent it's become irrational, even in situations that I know it will be fine, I often will  want to do something subtleish, or naturalish to get it out of the way so I don't have to worry about it.  I once had a friend specifically tell me they didn't want to be my roommate cause they wouldn't be comfortable.  They've grown since then, but it really stuck in my head.    Sure one might always worry about making friends and whether or not people will like them. . but this is one less part of that equation straight people pretty much never even have to think about.  I've never not gotten a job because I'm gay, but even this progressive university environment, I knew I had a 6 month probation. . and I was a bit nervous about anyone finding out until after that.  Hell, after that when I finally told *one* co-worker because. . it came up in a very natural conversation, I was kinda freaked out for a few minutes even though she was not reacting badly at all.

Also it pervades even my role playing games:   every time I play a role playing character I feel I have to actually think about what orientation to play. I worry that I play gay too much, or somehow an unreasonable amount of time. course when I don't I tend to minimize the impact (heck sometimes when I do).. once I played straight that made a significant impact but he was pretty messed up romance wise. . and somehow I ended up almost dating another female PC that was played by a guy... I've been accused of playing gay all the time, or most of the time as if it was weird of bad for me to do so. And over all when it comes to playing a different gender of orientation a role playing game, I figure most people who play their own don't have to really question it or wonder if they should maybe play something different every time they make a character. Most people don't even realize they are making an orientation decision when they make characters. Obviously sometimes hey do, and the hyper aware will do so no matter their own but I generally chose to play male characters because I don't tend to believe I'd do a female character justice. I've thought about why I make a choice or think about it before also, and I look back over various games. . and it comes up. The more Role play vs. hack and slash and the more it comes up. I sometimes feel like games I'm in. . sort of gloss over these differences more than they would be in real life even, but that's mostly because no one wants to play in a game that makes the players deal with problems from these differences too much. And no one wants to make or play with PCs that are specifically abrasive to each other. That's what reality t.v. is for... oh and that reminds me. . there is a difference every time you read a book , watch a movie, or listen to a song that contains no trace of your group that you can relate to.  I'm not saying every story needs to involve gay people, but once in a while one finds themselves thinking:  I really like this love song, it would be cool if it was a guy singing it, or about a guy... or I really like this movie or book..but it seems kinda weird that with all of the love/sex/diversity in it that there are no gay people.  Especially if there is some group sexual tension dynamic that is integral to the plot.  I have never felt particularly "held back" except in a social or romantic sense really.  But these fears do permeate more than one might expect.  It certainly makes me care more about politics than I would have otherwise.

Oh, before I stop, I also want to address the affirmative action issue and the concept that it can be easier to get SWMs in trouble for harassing or offending minorities than the other way around.  I will be the first to say that the rule should just be to treat *everyone* fairly and that there is a certain amount of deference paid when one makes an all "blank" group, or organization, or that the rules about harassment, or quotas can be abused.  That being said, the reason these extra protections exist is because of the far opposite that used to and still exists today.  Even in the best case scenario, the majority in power will by default make situations that are unbalanced.  They may try but by definition it becomes harder for minorities to be heard without special protections for it.  On top of that when minorities are often actively discriminated against, it creates a need to push back enough to have a "safe space" for the minority, and to ensure that the discrimination is minimized as much as possible.  These systems are imperfect, but the fact that they exist proves that things have been and are unbalanced.  We become sensitive to offence because it happens.   Also any time someone complains about gay pride, or black entertainment television, or any other group that focuses on a minority.. look around.  when gay people can kiss in public without anyone noticing more than they would straight people, or black people can not feel like they have trouble finding people they relate to on standard T.V... then we can talk.

and I guess that's it for now. . I hope that helps.